Customloper Diaries Day One: A Woollen Windy Welcome to Milton

Customloper Diaries – Day 1: Socks, Soup, and Stubbornness

Spawn Point: Spruce Falls Bridge, Mountain Town

Weather: Windy, with a 100% chance of optimism

Loot Highlight: Hunting knife, Cowichan sweater, two cups of coffee

Visit the Mountain Town map:
Check it out here.

First Steps and First Socks

I spawn near Spruce Falls Bridge, spot a sign for Milton, and like any wanderer with no better plan, I follow it. Along the way, I grab rose hips and reishi mushrooms because nature said so.

The bridge cars turn into an early-game care package: wool socks (luxury), a parka (yes please), matches (liquid gold), and a hunting knife I immediately form an unhealthy attachment to.

Shelter from the Storm (Sort of)

A nearby trailer offers a fire barrel, but I only duck in long enough to warm up and snag a wool toque—stylish and slightly smelly.

Down at the church I harvest cattails for calories, spot a deer carcass, and attempt to start a fire. The wind laughs. First attempt: fail. Second: also fail. Third: success… which the wind immediately blows out mid-harvest. Rude.

Deer carcass near the church — Can you spot it?

Redemption at the Altar (and in the Glovebox)

Inside the church, RNG finally smiles. One match, one try, one roaring fire. I cook the meat, boil water, and brew reishi tea. A nearby pickup coughs up a hatchet—huge early-game win.

Back in Milton, a glovebox note reveals a memento cache… at the church I just left. Classic.

Coffee, Cowichan, and Canadian Comfort

The bank delivers coffee grounds, two brewed cups, and a Cowichan sweater hidden in the safe like national treasure. Grey Mother’s house becomes base: two cooking pots, some deer meat, a ski jacket, hockey jersey, and wool mittens. Team motto: Not Dead Yet.

Winding Down with Tea and Triumph

I end the day with boiled water, cooked meat, and a cup of herbal tea to patch up condition. A windy start, but a strong finish. Customloper is officially underway.

Continue the Journey

4th Jun 2025 2

The Moose Behind the Tree – A 5% Spawn, 100% Panic Sprint

I thought I was alone on Coastal Highway. Then I saw antlers. This is the story of how a moose turned a quiet walk into an Olympic-level panic sprint.

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It was just another day in The Long Dark.

I was walking the road near Quonset Garage on Coastal Highway. Light fading, stomach grumbling, the usual post-loot shuffle home. Everything felt quiet. Calm. Deceptively safe.

Then I saw it.

Not a charging bear. Not a distant wolf. No, this was worse.

A moose.

It wasn’t running.
It wasn’t stomping.
It was just… standing there.
Behind a tree.

Image taken from The Long Dark Wiki. Mainly because I didn’t think to take a screenshot or a video when it happened

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Staring at me like it had been waiting for its cue in a survival horror play.

And then—it took the stance.
The head lowered. The hooves shifted. You know the one. The “say the word and I’ll flatten you” stance.

That was my sign to go.

I turned and ran for the nearest building like I’d just insulted its family. My survival instincts kicked in, my inventory was forgotten, and my dignity stayed behind by the tree.

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Final Thoughts

The Long Dark Wiki says that moose in particular has a 5% chance to spawn for 48 hours. This one spawned right behind a tree and in front of my will to live.

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Got a favourite chaotic moment?

Let me know in the comments or tag me on social—I’m always looking for new disasters to celebrate.
And if you enjoy these shorts, consider sharing the page with a fellow survivor.
Because nothing says “friendship” like a moose silently judging you from behind a tree.

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If you enjoyed this story, please check out my other: Survivor’s Shorts

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30th May 2025 0

Day One Diary Customloper Drops – Tomorrow

The Day One Diary of Customloper is coming—and no, I didn’t freeze to death immediately.
Spawned in with Interloper-level weather and a backpack full of questionable decisions.
There were snacks. There were was lots of snow. There was looting in the dark like a confused burglar. Find out what happens tomorrow at 1pm GMT.

For information on what Customloper is, read here: The Long Dark Customloper Settings: Easier Interloper Survival Mode

Catch up with my other Day One Diaries here: Day One Diaries

27th May 2025 0

The Doedicurus Incident: How I Lost a Fight I Didn’t Know I Was Starting

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Day 1 of ARK: Scorched Earth. I spawned, made some pants, and was murdered by what I thought was a friendly armoured pet rock. A true story of betrayal, bad aim, and Doedicurus rage.

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Welcome to the Desert. Here’s a Spear. Try Not To Die.

I woke up in the Scorched Earth desert with nothing but my fists and the overwhelming sense that everything around me wanted me dead.

Naturally, I punched a tree, made a pickaxe, and crafted myself a stunning outfit made entirely of itchy rags. Survival 101.

That’s when I saw it: a Doedicurus.
Round, slow-moving, and with the kind of face that said, “I mind my business.” It was adorable. I felt safe.

This would be my desert buddy. My spiky little friend.
I had plans. Big plans. I was going to tame it. Name it. Maybe ride it into battle.

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Then I Threw a Spear at It.

Now… in my defense, I meant to throw the spear next to the Doedicurus.
You know, to test it. Impress it. Establish dominance. Whatever people do in survival games.

What I didn’t mean to do was poke it directly in the face.

Cue a noise I didn’t know Doedicuruses could make.
Cue it rolling toward me like an angry bowling ball with revenge issues.

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The Fight That Wasn’t.

I panicked.
I had one more spear. I missed.
I pulled out my fists. They were… less effective.

The Doedicurus did not miss. It swung its tail like it was trying to launch me into the next biome.
It succeeded.

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Respawn, Reflect, Regret.

As I stared at the “You Died” screen, one thought ran through my head:
What the hell just happened?

I came here to survive.
I left wearing nothing but shame and a crushed dream of dinosaur friendship.

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Final Thoughts

Let it be known: Doedicuruses are not your friends.
They are boulders with feelings. And those feelings are rage.

Next time, I’m taming a Jerboa. At least they don’t roll over you for sport.

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Got a favourite chaotic moment?

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If you enjoyed that one, please check out my other stories here: Survivor’s Shorts

Also, please check out the full tale of my first day in ARK: Scorched Earth here: Day 1 Diary – ARK: Scorched Earth: Heat, Hubris & A Doedicurus

26th May 2025 0

Survivor’s Shorts Are Live – Because Chaos Deserves Its Own Page

Survivor’s Shorts is now live! A new page on the blog featuring my funniest, strangest, and most disastrous survival moments—bite-sized stories, full-sized regret.

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Sometimes a moment in a survival game doesn’t need a full playthrough post—it just needs a spotlight, a raised eyebrow, and maybe a bandage.

That’s where Survivor’s Shorts comes in.

It’s a new page on the blog dedicated to the little disasters. The sudden bear charges. The pancake heartbreaks. The moose lurking behind trees. All real stories from my permadeath runs, trimmed down and served with a side of sarcasm.

If you’ve ever screamed when you meant to crouch or felt betrayed by a breakfast item, you’ll feel right at home.

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What You’ll Find There

The Pancake Betrayal – Found the recipe. Found the syrup. Got betrayed by Cooking Level 4.

There is more coming soon. But here is what to expect for ones that are being drafted:

The Wolf That Interrupted My Mapping Session – Cartography meets carnivore.

The Moose Behind the Tree – A 5% spawn rate that showed up at 100% volume.

The Doedicurus That Broke My Spirit – One spear. No hits. Lots of tail.

The One-Shot Wonder – A bear, a rifle, and a moment of absolute panic… that somehow worked.

And plenty more moments coming soon.

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Check it Out Here:

Survivor’s Shorts

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Got a favourite chaotic moment?

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25th May 2025 0