Progress: 29 Stars Collected | 89 Remaining | 18 Lives Platform: Steam Deck Settings: Vanilla Mario & Music — the chaos provides its own soundtrack.
“Somewhere between leaping across spinning triangles and landing on an airship, I accepted that gravity in this randomizer is more of a guideline.”
With two stars left in Rainbow Ride, I decided to finish what I started and clear the hardest course so far. I remembered spotting one on the airship last time, so that was the first target.
The final star was a guess, so I followed instinct and headed for the triangle platforms. For once, instinct didn’t betray me. Two clean grabs later, Rainbow Ride is officially complete.
The Basement Surprise: Whomp’s Fortress
Expecting Dire Dire Docks, I stepped into its usual spot and instead landed in Whomp’s Fortress. The twist? The water level in this version doesn’t lower, so the passage to Bowser in the Fire Sea stayed sealed.
Which leaves one option: I need to find Dire Dire Docks somewhere else. Because of course the randomizer wasn’t going to make boss access simple.
Whomp’s Fortress: Smooth Climbing
Despite the odd placement, Whomp’s Fortress went down without much resistance. No weird geometry, no star placements that require a physics degree — just straightforward platforming for once.
By the time I exited, I sat at 29 stars and 18 lives, still needing to hunt down Dire Dire Docks and, eventually, Bowser.
Platform: Steam Deck Settings: Vanilla Mario & Music — chaos, but classy. “They say patience is a virtue, but after chasing red coins in Rainbow Ride, I’m pretty sure it’s a myth.”
Back to Rainbow Ride — because apparently, I didn’t learn my lesson last time. This time I decided to be bold (read: reckless) and go for both the Red Coin Star and the 100 Coin Star together.
Collecting 100 coins went surprisingly smoothly, which immediately made me suspicious. And rightly so — the red coins were spread across moving platforms that seemed determined to throw me into the void.
When I finally gathered them all, the Red Coin Star spawned on the flying ship — nowhere near any of the coins. Several failed leaps and existential sighs later, I finally snagged it.
Only two stars this time, but both felt like boss fights. Rainbow Ride remains the chaotic crown jewel of frustration.
Platform: Steam Deck Settings: Vanilla Mario & Music — chaos supplied separately. “Somewhere between the mountain slide and the basement sky, I realised this randomizer doesn’t believe in architecture either.”
With only the 100 Coin Star left in Tall, Tall Mountain, I decided it was time to finally clear my first course. The plan was simple: grab coins, stay alive, avoid plummeting off the cliff. Naturally, the first attempt ended in a slide-related tragedy. The second try, however, was a success — first course officially cleared.
Feeling confident, I ventured down to the basement to see what new horrors awaited. A friendly Toad handed over a star without asking for anything in return — a rare act of generosity in this twisted castle.
Then came the real surprise: the hole that should have led to the Vanish Cap switch instead opened into Rainbow Ride. Because apparently, gravity is optional now. Despite a few near misses (and several camera-induced heart attacks), I managed to grab three stars before deciding I’d pushed my luck enough for one day.
Platform: Steam Deck Settings: Vanilla Mario & Music — because some chaos speaks for itself. “Somewhere between turning to metal and getting launched at Bowser before lunch, I realised the randomizer doesn’t believe in pacing.”
The Super Mario 64 Randomizer wastes no time reminding you that reality is optional. My first warp dropped me straight into the Metal Cap stage — a place I had no right being this early on, but apparently this version of Mario is a trendsetter. After a brief moment of “wait, how did I get here?”, I grabbed the cap, collected what I could, and escaped before the chaos decided to double down.
Moments later, I opened another door… and there he was. Bowser in the Dark World, staring back at me with that “you’re not supposed to be here yet” kind of energy. Naturally, I went in anyway.
Watch Log 1:
Early Bowser, Early Panic
I wasn’t mentally or physically prepared for an early Bowser fight. My hands were still in “collect coins and admire textures” mode, not “avoid spinning platforms over the void” mode. But somehow, it worked out. Bowser got tossed into oblivion, my confidence went up by about 10%, and my sense of direction dropped by 80%.
From there, I stumbled into Shifting Sand Land. You know, the one full of quicksand and angry wildlife. Not exactly where I expected to end up next, but at least it looked warm. A few exploratory jumps later, I realised I’d achieved very little besides confirming that sand hurts — so I retreated to something more comforting: the Secret Slide.
The Slide Before the Storm
Ah, the Secret Slide — the calmest, most reassuring part of this randomizer so far. No enemies, no bottomless pits, just gravity and mild regret. I took the scenic route (read: I fell off twice), grabbed both stars, and left feeling momentarily competent.
Naturally, that feeling didn’t last. My next warp took me back to Shifting Sand Land, which seems determined to be my home base now. Between the quicksand, whirlwinds, and the constant threat of instant death, it’s a lot like visiting a beach if the beach actively wanted you gone.
Log 1 Summary
Stars Collected: 6
Stars Remaining: 114
Lives: 4
Areas Cleared: Metal Cap, Secret Slide, Bowser in the Dark World
For a first outing, this randomizer threw everything at me except the kitchen sink (and let’s be honest, that might still show up later). Metal Mario, Bowser, sandstorms, slides — it’s been a full day’s work in about half an hour. I’ve no idea what the next warp will bring, but I’m bringing extra lives and zero expectations.
Lessons from Log 1
Metal Mario early is fun — until gravity remembers he’s heavy.
Bowser fights don’t need context to cause panic.
Shifting Sand Land: 10/10 for sun exposure, 0/10 for safety.
Secret Slide remains the only form of therapy in this castle.
Signal Source: Super Mario 64 Randomizer | Platform: Steam Deck Status: Active Feed | Condition: Unstable | Duration: 10 Seconds of Pure Confusion
“Reality folded, gravity resigned, and Mario fell into the void. The transmission survived. Barely.”
The first proper signal after Transmission #0 has arrived — and it’s already malfunctioning.
Our sensors picked up an anomaly inside the Super Mario 64 Randomizer where stars, worlds, and basic physics decided to unionize against me.
The result? Ten seconds of pure, glorious nonsense, preserved for analysis.
Conclusion: Survival probability = mildly comedic disaster
Behind the Static
As with Transmission #0, this short keeps the same broadcast format: static, flicker, chaos.
This time, the “REC” overlay makes it feel like a recovered feed — a camera that should’ve stopped rolling but didn’t.
Think of it as portable chaos meets paranormal broadcast interference.
Signal Note: Full credit to Nintendo & original developers for Super Mario 64. Randomizer version tested via community build.
Static and signal formatting by Survivor Incognito — the chaos remains mine.
Survivor Incognito 