Tag: Permadeath

The Doedicurus Incident: How I Lost a Fight I Didn’t Know I Was Starting

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Day 1 of ARK: Scorched Earth. I spawned, made some pants, and was murdered by what I thought was a friendly armoured pet rock. A true story of betrayal, bad aim, and Doedicurus rage.

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Welcome to the Desert. Here’s a Spear. Try Not To Die.

I woke up in the Scorched Earth desert with nothing but my fists and the overwhelming sense that everything around me wanted me dead.

Naturally, I punched a tree, made a pickaxe, and crafted myself a stunning outfit made entirely of itchy rags. Survival 101.

That’s when I saw it: a Doedicurus.
Round, slow-moving, and with the kind of face that said, “I mind my business.” It was adorable. I felt safe.

This would be my desert buddy. My spiky little friend.
I had plans. Big plans. I was going to tame it. Name it. Maybe ride it into battle.

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Then I Threw a Spear at It.

Now… in my defense, I meant to throw the spear next to the Doedicurus.
You know, to test it. Impress it. Establish dominance. Whatever people do in survival games.

What I didn’t mean to do was poke it directly in the face.

Cue a noise I didn’t know Doedicuruses could make.
Cue it rolling toward me like an angry bowling ball with revenge issues.

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The Fight That Wasn’t.

I panicked.
I had one more spear. I missed.
I pulled out my fists. They were… less effective.

The Doedicurus did not miss. It swung its tail like it was trying to launch me into the next biome.
It succeeded.

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Respawn, Reflect, Regret.

As I stared at the “You Died” screen, one thought ran through my head:
What the hell just happened?

I came here to survive.
I left wearing nothing but shame and a crushed dream of dinosaur friendship.


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Final Thoughts

Let it be known: Doedicuruses are not your friends.
They are boulders with feelings. And those feelings are rage.

Next time, I’m taming a Jerboa. At least they don’t roll over you for sport.

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Got a favourite chaotic moment?

Let me know in the comments or tag me on social—I’m always looking for new disasters to celebrate.
And if you enjoy these shorts, consider sharing the page with a fellow survivor.
Because nothing says “friendship” like a moose silently judging you from behind a tree.

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If you enjoyed that one, please check out my other stories here: Survivor’s Shorts

Also, please check out the full tale of my first day in ARK: Scorched Earth here: Day 1 Diary – ARK: Scorched Earth: Heat, Hubris & A Doedicurus

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I Was Just Trying to Get Home (And Then This Happened)

What started as a quiet trip back to Grey Mother’s turned into a wolf ambush. Here’s how my Customloper run nearly ended on Day 3.

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Just Me, a Skillet, and Regret

I’d just finished looting Paradise Meadows Farm. I had a fresh rabbit stew in my belly, a skillet in my backpack, and dreams of a cozy night back at Grey Mother’s. You know. Normal stuff.

Then this happened.

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That’s right. No warning. No howls. Just me, walking around a corner like I own the place, and a wolf showing up like he owns the place. Spoiler: he nearly did.

I did what any reasonable person would do—I ran back inside, popped painkillers like trail mix, and bandaged my wrist while re-evaluating all my life choices.

Moral of the story: Never trust Milton to be quiet, and always expect the game to humble you the second you start feeling safe.

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For more tales like this, please check out: Survivor’s Shorts

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Survivor’s Shorts Are Live – Because Chaos Deserves Its Own Page

Survivor’s Shorts is now live! A new page on the blog featuring my funniest, strangest, and most disastrous survival moments—bite-sized stories, full-sized regret.

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Sometimes a moment in a survival game doesn’t need a full playthrough post—it just needs a spotlight, a raised eyebrow, and maybe a bandage.

That’s where Survivor’s Shorts comes in.

It’s a new page on the blog dedicated to the little disasters. The sudden bear charges. The pancake heartbreaks. The moose lurking behind trees. All real stories from my permadeath runs, trimmed down and served with a side of sarcasm.

If you’ve ever screamed when you meant to crouch or felt betrayed by a breakfast item, you’ll feel right at home.

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What You’ll Find There

The Pancake Betrayal – Found the recipe. Found the syrup. Got betrayed by Cooking Level 4.

There is more coming soon. But here is what to expect for ones that are being drafted:

The Wolf That Interrupted My Mapping Session – Cartography meets carnivore.

The Moose Behind the Tree – A 5% spawn rate that showed up at 100% volume.

The Doedicurus That Broke My Spirit – One spear. No hits. Lots of tail.

The One-Shot Wonder – A bear, a rifle, and a moment of absolute panic… that somehow worked.


And plenty more moments coming soon.

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Check it Out Here:

Survivor’s Shorts

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Got a favourite chaotic moment?

Let me know in the comments or tag me on social—I’m always looking for new disasters to celebrate.
And if you enjoy these shorts, consider sharing the page with a fellow survivor.
Because nothing says “friendship” like a moose silently judging you from behind a tree.

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Here’s What You Missed This Week – Permadeath and Prybars

Survival, strategy, and a fair bit of falling into things.

It’s been another chaotic but oddly satisfying week at Survivor Incognito, where the snow is endless, the bandits are clingy, and my survival strategy often involves “run first, question everything later.” Here’s what dropped this week:

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Sneak, Snipe, Repeat: Day 3

A High Elf ambush kicked off the day, because Skyrim doesn’t believe in subtlety. Our Dragonborn-in-training wandered into Whiterun with no torch, accidentally handed in a quest they’d already completed, became Thane, fought a dragon, and looted half the city’s cheese stockpile—all without a working flashlight.
Read the chaos here:
Day 3 – Whiterun Welcomes Me

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The Cold Chronicles – Day 4

Our Voyageur finally escaped Crumbling Highway, stepping into Coastal Highway only to meet gale-force winds, a casual bear, and wolves with a personal vendetta. Despite blizzards and a questionable cliff descent, they found shelter, loot, and just so many prybars.
Read it here:
Day 4 – A Voyageur’s Tale of The Long Dark

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New Pages Launched

The Graveyard

Where runs go when they’ve gone… poorly. From unexpected wolf attacks to permadeath pratfalls, this page memorializes your greatest “oops.”
Visit The Graveyard

Rules of Survival

A breakdown of how I play survival games on the blog: permadeath is non-negotiable, no cheats, no take-backs, no mercy. Also includes series-specific rules for The Long Dark, Skyrim, and No Man’s Sky.
Read the Rules

Customloper Settings

Tired of Interloper crushing your soul but still want a challenge? Enter: Customloper—Interloper weather with settings that don’t make you cry into your bedroll. Full settings list, and a FAQ included.
See the Settings

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Customloper is Live – Interloper Weather, Voyageur Loot, No Mercy

Customloper is here.

If you’ve ever thought “Voyageur is too chill, but Interloper is just mean,” this one’s for you.

Customloper is my custom game mode for The Long Dark — combining Interloper-level weather and fire-starting with Voyageur loot and wildlife settings. It’s brutal, but fair. Cold, but not cruel. Wolves still bite, but they’ll give you 24 hours to get your act together.

This isn’t just a settings list. The guide includes:

  • Full breakdown of every Customloper setting
  • Recommended starting regions (and which ones to avoid)
  • Key survival tips that will actually help you not die
  • A full FAQ for confused and/or skeptical players
  • The custom code you can plug in and try for yourself

Read the full guide here:
Customloper Settings & Survival Guide

Coming Wednesday:

The Day 1 Diary — a full playthrough using these settings. Expect regret, cold, and probably rabbits.

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