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Day 1 of ARK: Scorched Earth. I spawned, made some pants, and was murdered by what I thought was a friendly armoured pet rock. A true story of betrayal, bad aim, and Doedicurus rage.

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Welcome to the Desert. Here’s a Spear. Try Not To Die.

I woke up in the Scorched Earth desert with nothing but my fists and the overwhelming sense that everything around me wanted me dead.

Naturally, I punched a tree, made a pickaxe, and crafted myself a stunning outfit made entirely of itchy rags. Survival 101.

That’s when I saw it: a Doedicurus.
Round, slow-moving, and with the kind of face that said, “I mind my business.” It was adorable. I felt safe.

This would be my desert buddy. My spiky little friend.
I had plans. Big plans. I was going to tame it. Name it. Maybe ride it into battle.

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Then I Threw a Spear at It.

Now… in my defense, I meant to throw the spear next to the Doedicurus.
You know, to test it. Impress it. Establish dominance. Whatever people do in survival games.

What I didn’t mean to do was poke it directly in the face.

Cue a noise I didn’t know Doedicuruses could make.
Cue it rolling toward me like an angry bowling ball with revenge issues.

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The Fight That Wasn’t.

I panicked.
I had one more spear. I missed.
I pulled out my fists. They were… less effective.

The Doedicurus did not miss. It swung its tail like it was trying to launch me into the next biome.
It succeeded.

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Respawn, Reflect, Regret.

As I stared at the “You Died” screen, one thought ran through my head:
What the hell just happened?

I came here to survive.
I left wearing nothing but shame and a crushed dream of dinosaur friendship.


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Final Thoughts

Let it be known: Doedicuruses are not your friends.
They are boulders with feelings. And those feelings are rage.

Next time, I’m taming a Jerboa. At least they don’t roll over you for sport.

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Got a favourite chaotic moment?

Let me know in the comments or tag me on social—I’m always looking for new disasters to celebrate.
And if you enjoy these shorts, consider sharing the page with a fellow survivor.
Because nothing says “friendship” like a moose silently judging you from behind a tree.

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If you enjoyed that one, please check out my other stories here: Survivor’s Shorts

Also, please check out the full tale of my first day in ARK: Scorched Earth here: Day 1 Diary – ARK: Scorched Earth: Heat, Hubris & A Doedicurus