A New Challenger Approaches – Welcome to Green Hell

It’s time to trade backyards for the Amazon.

I’m heading into Green Hell, the survival game where nature doesn’t just want you dead—it wants you paranoid, dehydrated, and wondering if that rash is the least of your problems.

This new run is coming soon to the blog, taking its place in the rotation with all the usual Survivor Incognito flair: overly ambitious decisions, chaotic jungle flailing, and a main character who probably should’ve stayed home.

So if you’ve ever wanted to see how fast someone can go from “I’ve got this” to “I think the trees are whispering,” you’re in for a treat.

Stay tuned. The jungle waits.

If you want to see how my first day in the jungle went, please check out Day 1 Diary – Green Hell – Poisoned by Nature, Humbled by Bananas

Day 1 Diary – Green Hell – Poisoned by Nature, Humbled by Bananas

Day 1 of my Green Hell playthrough on Nintendo Switch. I punch trees, fail at harvesting, make a rock axe, eat a banana, and die of mystery poison. Jungle survival rating: tragic but educational.

Welcome to the Jungle (And Immediate Regret)

I started my first Green Hell run on “Welcome to the Jungle” difficulty—just enough challenge to remind you this game isn’t here to offer a tutorial, just consequences.

My first instinct? Punch a tree. That didn’t work. Punch a bush? Still nothing. Turns out Green Hell does not share crafting logic with Minecraft. Nature ignored me. Not a single leaf fell. A humbling start.

Then I found some mushrooms. I picked them but didn’t eat them. I may be new, but I’ve played enough survival games to know that “mysterious glowing fungi” are rarely friendly.

Shelter and a Crash Course in Crafting

Eventually I stumbled into a cave with a bed and some supplies. Clearly someone had been here before me, which made me feel slightly safer and slightly more worried about what happened to them. No blood, no bones. I called it home.

With a brief window of calm, I opened my notebook and realized I could craft tools—if I had rope. Problem: I had no rope.

Before I could even get to that, I spent a solid chunk of time trying to gather sticks. I tried punching trees again. Still nothing. It wasn’t until I started actually looking at the ground that I realized: sticks just lie around. You don’t harvest them. You notice them. Like a fool, I’d been missing the forest and the trees.

Rope: My Greatest Enemy

Most of the rest of the day was spent looking for vines. According to my notebook, I could harvest them from trees, but not just any trees. Only certain ones. And only if I looked at the exact right spot, with just the right angle. Jungle logic.

Finding those vines ate up more time than anything else. But eventually, victory. I made rope. Combined it with a stick and a stone, and I finally had a crude axe. I immediately used it to chop down a bamboo tree, because it was there. Did I need bamboo? Not even slightly. But I’d earned the right to murder a plant.

Small Wins & Sudden Defeat

A few minutes later, I found bananas. Actual food. Safe to eat. I had one. No hallucinations. No stomach cramps. I felt like a genius.

Then I saw a massive leaf and figured it looked important. I picked it up. That’s when I got poisoned.

I didn’t see what did it. No snake. No dart frog. Just instant toxins. Jungle: 1. Me: 0.

Diagnosis: Terminal Curiosity

I sprinted back to the cave and tore through my notebook looking for cures. Everything required materials I didn’t have. Plants I hadn’t seen. Tools I couldn’t craft yet.

I accepted my fate, laid down in the cave, and reflected on my accomplishments. I’d made an axe. Found a banana. Died invisible-death-style. And crucially, I now knew where rope—and sticks—actually came from.

A solid first day, all things considered.

If you enjoyed this one, why not check out my other Day One Diaries

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