Tag: Funny Survival Stories

ARK: Aberration – Day One Diary: Punching Trees, Hallucinating Plants, and a Cliff Dive of Doom

My first day in ARK: Aberration on Nintendo Switch. From punching trees to cliff diving for water, join me for a chaotic survival tale featuring hallucinations, heat, and questionable choices.

Not sure where I am? Please check out the  ARK: Survival Evolved Maps

Welcome to Aberration

I decide to spawn at the Portal—the game assures me this is the easiest spot to start, so naturally, I trust it. I materialize in my underwear (as you do) and am immediately told I’m too hot. How? I’m practically naked!

Undeterred, I begin my search for trees to punch and rocks to grab. It sounds simple, but this is ARK. The landscape is full of creatures, including a Tek Stegosaurus!

I want it. I want it badly. But I’m level one, with zero taming ability. So I sigh, and return to foraging.

Tools, Berries, and the Great Stone Hunt

Before long, I’ve got a healthy stash of berries, thatch, and wood. I cobble together some primitive clothing—so long, underwear! Now for stones. The game clearly enjoys messing with me. Stones are everywhere, yet my button presses achieve nothing. After several failed attempts, I finally manage to pick some up. Tools: crafted.

Next problem: water. I’m parched, and the nearest source is… at the bottom of a cliff. What’s a survivor to do? I jump. If I die, hey—at least the Graveyard page gets a funny new entry. Miraculously, I survive.

The Hallucination Plant

Feeling triumphant, I approach a strange plant. Surely nothing bad could happen. The plant proves me wrong. I’m instantly hallucinating, defecating like it’s a competitive sport, and generally regretting my life choices. After about 30 seconds, it stops. Do I consider touching the plant again? Absolutely. Do I? Thankfully, no.

Night Falls, Chaos Rises

Darkness sets in. I light a torch—instant overheating. My options are: see where I’m going and melt, or stumble blindly in comfort.

And then, I become overencumbered. I offload a ton, even dip below my carry limit. Still can’t move. Can crouch, can look around, but walk or jump? Nope. At this point, I call it a day.

Final Thoughts

Not how I imagined my first day in Aberration ending, but I had a blast. Stay tuned—surely it can only get weirder from here.

If you enjoyed this one, please check out my other Day One Diaries | Survival Game Playthroughs & First-Day Survival Challenges

0

The Pancake Betrayal: A Tale of Syrup, Hope, and Crushing Disappointment in The Long Dark

On Day 1, I found Lily’s pancake recipe. On Day 2, maple syrup. I dared to dream. But The Long Dark had other plans. Here’s the tragic tale of the pancakes that never were.

—

How It All Began

It started like all great adventures do: with breakfast.

Day 1 of my Customloper run. I was cold, hungry, and rummaging through Milton like a raccoon with a pension. That’s when I found it. A recipe card tucked neatly into a drawer: Lily’s Pancakes.

Hope bloomed. Pancakes. In the apocalypse.

—

Day 2: Syrup From The Heavens

Then it happened. The gods of calories smiled upon me.

I found maple syrup. Actual syrup. In a game where peanut butter is a rare treasure and soda is currency, this was the nectar of the ancients.

I had the recipe. I had the syrup. All I needed was… the ability to cook it?

—

The Dream Dies

Enter Cooking Skill 4.

And acorn grounds.

Because apparently, pancakes in The Long Dark are a late-game luxury, not a wholesome wilderness breakfast. You need to:

Boil acorns

Grind them

Have mastered the culinary arts

Possibly offer a sacrifice to the RNG gods


I barely have shoes. But yes, let’s make artisanal pancake flour from forest nuts.

—

The Aftertaste of Betrayal

So now the recipe sits in my inventory, mocking me. The syrup? Hoarded like liquid gold. And I? I chew on stale crackers in the corner, dreaming of what could’ve been.

One day, I will reach Cooking Skill 4.
One day, I will gather acorns, grind them, and make pancake batter.

But today? Today I make tea. And try not to cry.

—

Final Thoughts

This game has broken me before, but never like this. Frostbite? Bear maulings? Fine. But withholding pancakes? That’s a new low.

—

For more info on what Customloper is, please check out: The Long Dark Customloper Settings: Easier Interloper Survival Mode

—

Want to read more tales like this? Please check out: Survivor’s Shorts

—

0

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑