ARK Fail – Survivor Incognito

Spawn Location: Midlands 4
Difficulty Setting: Easy (allegedly)
Death Count: 1
Notable Quotes: “That doedicurus looks manageable.”

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Wake Up, Punch a Bush

I came to in the middle of the desert wearing absolutely nothing except a sense of misplaced confidence. Sun blazing, heat rising, and the HUD silently judging me. First instinct? Punch a bush. Gathered some fiber, thatch, and self-respect.

Leveled up once from raw enthusiasm alone. Put that point into Health, because even I could tell I was about five bad decisions away from dying.

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The Accidental Shirt Empire

Decided to craft some clothes before the sun roasted me alive. Opened the crafting menu, tried to make one shirt—accidentally made five.

Now accepting names for my pop-up desert boutique. Eventually got it together and added some pants. No shoes though. Those required hide. Hide required confrontation.

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Tooling Up & Feeling Bold

Made a pickaxe and found a water vein. Hydration status: temporarily acceptable.

Crafted a hatchet. Then a spear. Then a sun hat, because I like my survivalism with a side of flair. I had gear, water, and the kind of reckless optimism that leads straight to the respawn screen.

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The Enemy of My Confidence

I needed hide. So I looked around:

Ankylosaurus: Too many spikes. Hard pass.

Doedicurus: Round, slow-looking, vaguely adorable. I could take it.

I could not.

The second it noticed me, it went full Beyblade and chased me halfway across the dunes. I survived, barely, and took that as a sign to regroup. Obviously, I didn’t listen.

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The Fatal Spear Throw

Bandaged my pride, gathered more supplies, and returned to the scene of my failure with renewed stupidity.

Lined up the doedicurus in my sights. Threw the spear.

Missed completely.

It charged. I died.

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Summary of Bad Decisions

Crafted 5 shirts by accident: Unplanned fashion mogul
Picked a fight with a doedicurus: Lost. Twice.
Made tools and a spear: Forgot to aim before throwing
Died as tradition dictates

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Final Thoughts

ARK on Easy Mode is still full of bad decisions if you’re making them fast enough.

Doedicurus: not food, not friendly, not forgettable.

Respawning is a learning experience. Eventually.

Next time, I’ll pick a different animal to harass. Probably regret that too.

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Read my other Day One Diaries here

It began, as all great survival stories do, with a half-naked stranger waking up on a beach and immediately punching a tree. This is how we build civilizations in ARK: Survival Evolved. Or at least, how we bruise our knuckles trying.

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Welcome To The Island

I picked:

Single Player

Easy Mode

The Island

Easy spawn zone

Randomized survivor (so I could blame poor decisions on someone else)

Did I know what I was doing? No. But I was armed with determination and the ability to mash buttons on a Nintendo Switch. That’s basically survival.

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Early Progress: Punch > Pickaxe > Panic

I picked berries, harvested rocks, and punched trees until my fists cried. I crafted tools and learned a vital truth:

> If you don’t know how to unequip something, you’re just a caveman with commitment issues.

Eventually, I figured out how to stash my pickaxe, crafted a thatch shack, and proudly stared at my beachfront real estate. It was ugly. But it was mine.

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Enter The Dodo

I spotted my first dodo and made a moral decision: tame it, not kill it. A few club swings and some berries later, Doddie was born.

Then came a second tame. I was unstoppable. Until I wasn’t.

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Dilophosaur: Agent of Chaos

Like a raptor’s sloppy cousin, the Dilo charged in, spat venom, and chaos erupted.

I panicked. Swung wildly. Hit everything.

> “Doddie was killed by Survivor Incognito.”

Yes. I clubbed my own tame to death. Twice. The Dilo died in the end, but at what cost? (Spoiler: Hide. Enough for shoes.)

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The Taming Spiral

I swore vengeance. Then I swore allegiance. I tamed a Dilophosaur. If you can’t beat ’em, feed ’em narcoberries until they like you.

I tamed another Dodo. Named it Dodder. It died too.

By nightfall, I had a new tribe of misfit companions: a Dilophosaur named Dilo, another Dodo named Dodder to replace original Dodder, something else called Lyon, a torch, and a pile of regrets.

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Lost & Afraid

Then it got dark.

Really dark.

And I realized I’d forgotten one critical step: marking my shelter. Turns out the map doesn’t help much when every jungle tree looks the same.

I wandered in circles, torch in hand, until I miraculously stumbled on my sad little shack. Home. Sweet. Hut.

I built a bed, collapsed, and promised myself I’d do better tomorrow.

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Lessons Learned

Easy Mode isn’t shameful. It’s life-saving.

Dodos are loyal, fragile, and easily betrayed by friendly fire.

Dilophosaurs are chaotic evil with spit mechanics.

Beds are not optional.

Torch = godsend. Build one early.

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Tag: ARK Fail

Day 1 Diary – Ark: Survival Evolved – Dodos, Dilophosaurs & Disasters